Reaching the Boiling Point

Have you ever put a pot of water on the stove and suddenly found it boiling over?  Steam rising, hot water splashing, foam sloshing all over the clean stove.  These are the outcomes of the temperature rising and the cook not being mindful of the pot.  Such is a good analogy for the effects of toxic stress on our lives. 

Experts tell us that there are three kinds of stress, and not all of it is bad.  Positive stress describes the everyday life demands placed on us. Our jobs, our families, the children, even our hobbies and the things we love request our time and energy.  We are motivated and pushed to action.  There is also tolerable stress which is time-limited but demands more of us on top of the usual and ordinary stressors.  Events such as a serious crisis, family illness or catastrophic episode would be examples of tolerable stress.  With a support network and the resources to get back to a state of normalcy, these stressors can usually be overcome.   Then there is toxic stress.  This occurs when one is subject to long periods of adversity, abuse, neglect or overload.  It is possible for too much positive and tolerable stress to become toxic over time if there is no opportunity to recover or have it reduced to a healthy, manageable level.

Consider yourself a pot of water simmering on the stove.  If someone turns up the heat, the water warms as the molecules become more active.   In a similar way, life makes requests of us and cranks up the heat.   We respond by moving and becoming productive in relation to the demands made.  If unchecked, we can find ourselves becoming exhausted physically and mentally.  We may call this our “breaking point” or our feeling of being “stressed out.”  Essentially, our pot has bubbled over. 

How do we manage our stress levels so that we do not reach the boiling point?  Keeping ourselves below our overload threshold involves two tasks:  making sure that we are taking care of ourselves regularly so that we do not reach the breaking point in the first place and knowing how to respond to the events and conditions around us in positive, creative ways.

How do you nurture yourself?  What activities provide you with a sense of warmth, relaxation or comfort?  We might consider these general stress management techniques our anchors or life preservers.  Perhaps you enjoy curling up with a good book and a cup of tea.  Maybe you enjoy a funny TV sitcom or movie.  Other people phone a friend or work on needlepoint.  These things can be likened to someone reducing the temperature on the stove in the boiling pot example.  Regardless of how the day has been, these diversions in our life preserve us and lower the reading on our stress thermometer.  
 
It has been suggested that there is nothing out there that happens to us that is inherently stressful.  The meaning we attach to an event or situation is what makes is a stressor- or not.  For example, if you are stuck in a traffic jam, you can choose how to respond.  The traffic jam itself is neutral.  If you determine that this mess is something to get upset about because now you will be late for an appointment, your stress response will kick in, and the water in your pot will begin to boil.  If you have been routinely taking care of yourself such that your stress levels were low to begin with, you may not be taking a heavy toll on yourself, at least for this time.  But if you are nearing the 212 degree point because of mounting stress over time, look out! 
 
Then there are the things we need to do in the heat of the moment- when we feel like the pot about to boil over.  Deep breathing, taking a walk, positive self-talk, thinking of something funny, and trying to see something positive about a given situation are all ways that help us to keep things in their proper perspective. 

 A new buzz word gaining popularity these days is “mindfulness”.   Mindfullness means we are gauging our coping capacity and always adding new ingredients to our stress management recipe.  And when we are minding the stove, there is a much greater chance that the pot won’t bubble over the top!